A King and his Pet

I'm not a very humble guy, I'll admit. I mean, when you're a king of a star, you generally have a bit of an ego, you know? Every being in the universe fears me so much that hey will not speak my name, because I will hear it. I always hear it. Most civilizations have suppressed any evidence of my existence, but I consume them on a whim. I am the king of all, and even Dad admits I'm his favorite son.

But there is one race that I treat with more respect than anyone else: the Humans of Earth. I wouldn't normally pay them much thought. After all, they began as pet food for the Eldar Things. Now, the Eldar Things had just whipped the shit out of my little brother (he says it was a stalemate, but he really just got his ass kicked and ran away like the bitch he is) so I had given them some props for entertaining me and delayed my plan to turn their Shoggoths against them, and as a result, humans avoided extinction.

Now, I began to watch them grow, and I contemplated wiping them out, at least until cousin Nyarlathotep, or however the hell you spell it, took them under his wing. Not wanting to start a family feud, I picked another planet to wreck. Nyarly however, just for the lulz, tells a guy about me anyway. Rather than freak the hell out and kill himself like everyone else, he wrote an entire play about me. I personally thought it was a good one, and I happen to be an expert in the arts. Rather than immediately burn the play upon reading it, publishers actually made a ton of copies and distributed them worldwide! This took guts! Not to be upstaged, my little brother had a book written about him. I think, like, 5 copies exist total.

Oh, and they still periodically speak my name freely. It got so bad, hearing it all the time, that I decided to move Aldebaran into alignment with the other stars to wake my little bro up and just have him wipe the bastards out rather than have him deal with them. You know what they did? They hit him in the face with a freaking steamboat! He got his ass kicked by sentient pet food! I gave him a little bit, then woke him up again. They blew him up! Here was my little brother, Cthulhu, who could easily wreck civilizations, have his ass handed to him not once, but twice! The downside was that I still had to deal with the pesky humans. I stopped going and started to just sic the Bhyakees on them, but they weren't scaring the humans, but piquing their curiosity!

So, finally, I gave up and went back to the old way, except sometimes I appear in a form they can understand. I like to periodically be their muse, whispering stories about strange worlds far away. But most of the time I'm making deals. Just giving out little gifts and taking something that's worth just as much. They still love me, in fact some even worship me as a god!

I admit, I'm fond of humanity. I wouldn't mind keeping them around for a few more eons.